For every entry I write regarding emotional abuse and identifying the tactics narcissists use to maintain control over your life, I feel the need to write a second entry regarding life after freeing yourself from the crazy-making cycle. (Yes – life after does exist! Not only does it exist, but it is also beautiful and bright and wonderful!)
So you have left the toxicity behind, most likely after many failed attempts. Without the constant ups and downs and drama and heartache, you find yourself with all this time on your hands. The time you once spent worrying and trying to do damage control is now all yours – so what the hell do you do with it? You grow, that’s what you do!
Spend this time redefining your life – everything from rekindling interests you had given up while enmeshed in the life-sucking toxicity to reintroducing yourself to who you really are deep in your soul. Don’t worry – you are still in there somewhere, and you are every bit as beautiful and wonderful as you were when you slowly began to lose yourself.
Spoil yourself. Take time to heal. Learn to love yourself again.
During this transitional period, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to go absolutely no contact with the ex-narcissist. They will see you are not only surviving but also thriving in their absence (how dare you!!!) and they will do everything in their power to bring you back down. Remember that you are the one in control now. BLOCK THEM FROM ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE.
Moving on and finding that the beauty of the world still exists all around you is not going to happen overnight. It took me nearly two years before I felt “healed”. The path to happiness is not straight or smooth, but every bump and twist in the road is another lesson, another triumph, another test you can ace if you put your mind to it. And every baby step is worth the struggle, because what awaits you at the end of the path is AMAZING. It is freedom. It is happiness. It is love. It is peace. And, most importantly, it is all yours.
Go get it, because you deserve it.